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Java's Funny Comments In Various Libraries (Part 2)

· 2 min read
Linh Nguyen
Linh Nguyen
T-90MS Main Battle Tank

Continuing from part 1, we bask ourselves in some of the "funniest" comments found in various Java libraries.

What Was a Charmander Doing Here?​

From com.google.common.base.CharMatcher, line 68:

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Because CharMatcher sounds like Charmander (maybe), a Pokémon, we get beautiful ASCII art here! Reason? For lulz I guess?

Yuck! Please Shut Up, Compiler!​

From com.sun.org.apache.xpath.internal.axes.BasicTestIterator, line 162

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Yes, compiler, please stop nagging me with that senseless variable assignment!

Oops! I Couldn't Load the Native Library​

From java.lang.ClassLoader, line 2283:

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Oops, all attempts at loading the native library failed! Too bad!

Ouch! No Hard Drives Found!​

From sun.awt.shell.Win32ShellFolder2, line 411:

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When no non-removable hard drive is present, the system returns a generic C:\\ as the fallback option.

Also, look at that hellish nested code. It wouldn't pass modern quality gates. Perhaps the developers were rushing to meet a deadline back then?

Here's some consolation: don't worry if you write bad code, you will improve. Everyone writes bad code at some point, even the Java makers themselves!

I Dare You To Mock that List​

From org.mockito.Mockito, line 3128 (yes, finding the class declaration at line 1775 requires archaeological skills, and I'm convinced the JavaDoc-to-code ratio here violates several laws of physics):

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The Mockito codebase reads like a developer comedy special: equal parts helpful advice and existential dread about bad testing practices. But their dramatic warnings come with genuinely good sense: don't mock List when ArrayList and LinkedList are sitting right there, eager to be actual lists in your tests. It's the difference between hiring a stunt double to breathe for you versus just... breathing.

Don't burn in hell, please!